The Art of Overthinking Cupcakes

The only thing in my life that I have really mastered is the complex art of overthinking everything from a conversation to how I’m eating a cupcake.
Overthinking helps me with filmmaking, photography or painting. I can look at a situation and see every possible angle or outcome visually in my head. I can make educated guesses and figure out how I would like to approach things. This helps me figure out the choices I want to make and why. In music, different version of lyrics flash through my mind. It’s an advantage for me in art and I understand that it is not a unique talent but I am aware of the benefits to me.
Outside of art, it is an exhausting nuisance of a habit.
I have entire conversations in my head before I’ve even picked up the phone and I think I can figure out every single possible outcome that could ever happen in any situation.
Today I was overthinking eating snacks in my car during the drive home. Was I eating too fast or too slow? Were the other drivers looking at me? Why do I even care if they see me eating? Should I hold the cupcakes below the wheel to not even put myself in that position? Or should I tongue out the creamy center and the rest of the world BE DAMNED!
It’s almost as exhausting to force myself NOT to overthink. I will repeat mantras over and over in my head actively not thinking about things which in itself it thinking about the very thing I’m avoiding thinking about.
I’ve been working on the fine art of letting go.
It hasn’t been an easy thing to work on. It’s harder than quitting drugs, alcohol and cigarettes put together. I’m very good at holding on to things simply for the story. I once egged a girl’s house for 6 years because she wronged a friend of mine. It’s been a part of my personality long before I realized that holding a grudge is not a personality trait.
After a year of not-so-quiet introspection, learning to meditate and with the guidance of some amazing friends I have learned a few things:
  1. Things are going to go the way they are going to go no matter how much I think about it.
  2. I do not control the outcome of any given situation.
  3. There is a difference between being prepared and overthinking.
  4. Any response I prepare either comes out sounding rehearsed or it isn’t appropriate when the time comes.
  5. There is a difference between responding and reacting.
It all sounds so simple on paper, but it difficult for me to remember these things in the moment. I had to rewire, and am still rewiring, my brain.
I can only blame so much on nature vs. nurture and the way I was raised, after hitting 30 years old I realized that I have to change the way I handle things not that the world had to change around me. I had to learn the difference between responding and reacting.
I heard something cheesy that stuck with me.
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
I had to figure out the hard way that the volume of my voice does not equate to my position in an argument. Keeping calm and approaching people with compassion is pretty much always the best way for me to keep my grace.

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